Across Made by Carly Yanotka and Beth Demyan
A LETTER TO MY FATHER
- LynNae I. Downs
Dear Stranger,
We met the day I was born
but I never had a chance to get to know you.
Your chosen path didn't include me.
You were like a farmer who planted a seed
then left it to wither or grow-
I flowered without you.
A father who never was,
you were always a mystery to me.
My mind was consumed with curiosity
about the man I never knew,
the man who She called "Your Father."
Wondering if you stole away in the dark of night
or kissed me good-bye in the early morning sun.
Was I ever Daddy's Little Girl?
Did we part as friends or foes?
So many questions left unanswered.
I was afraid of the unknown,
yet there was so much I needed to know.
But you were erased from our lives;
your name was unspoken,
your face unseen,
your voice unheard.
You were a forbidden fruit
dangling from a tree of knowledge,
tantalizing me.
I dare not taste your sweet poison
for fear of hurting Her;
that was a price I could not afford
You closed the door on us
and we locked it, throwing away the key.
Now years later here you are
wanting to open that door back up.
Where were you then when I needed you?
Now that I can walk on my own
you want to teach me how to stand?!
You gambled with the years of my youth
and lost-
now it's too late.
I don't want you back.
I gave you my love once without condition-
it wasn't good enough for you then.
Now you want me to love you again
as if time has stood still?!
You have nothing to offer me,
just empty promises and a broken heart.
Why continue to tear the wounds open?
Why not let them heal.
The pain of losing a father once
cannot compare
to the pain suffered every time I realize
that you never were a father
and never will be.
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