Messenger - Vol. 4, No. 4, Page 3 1995 Speaking Man to Man Jim Mullen, Delaware '42, has always been the kind of guy who can get things done. Co-captain of Delaware's first undefeated football team in the fall of 1941, he was an ROTC cadet scheduled to be commissioned as a second lieutenant when he graduated. With World War II raging after the attack on Pearl Harbor the previous December, Mullen said the graduating male seniors received orders in the spring of 1942 to report to active military duty immediately following graduation. Mullen, a Wilmington, Del., native and graduate of Salesianum School there, recalled the events that occurred on campus more than a half-century ago during a recent visit to Newark. As a cadet officer, he was assigned to conduct drill sessions a few evenings each week for a group of civilian volunteers who were training in New Castle, Del. Toward the end of the spring semester, Mullen arranged to make a presentation before members of the faculty, requesting that male seniors in good academic standing be excused from final examinations so they could visit their families and make personal arrangements before heading off to the war. "I figured it had as much of a chance of flying as a lead balloon," Mullen recalls. After making his formal request, he and a friend left for their New Castle assignment. "Late that night, when we came back to town," Mullen says, "Newark was crazy. There were people partying all over. You couldn't even get into the Deer Park. I stopped a guy and asked what was going on. He screamed, 'No finals for seniors!' " After laughing at the fond memory, Mullen adds, "But, I was courting my future wife at the time. She was in the Women's College, and they had to take finals. So, I stayed around the extra week rather than going home. One day, while I was walking down the Mall to see her, Prof. John Munroe, who was one of the faculty present when I made the presentation, stopped me and said, 'Aren't you supposed to be home?' "I told him I had some urgent business to finish up on campus." A decorated Marine Corps officer who was wounded on Iwo Jima, Mullen returned to Delaware after the war. He served on the University committee responsible for placing the large rock and plaque in front of Mitchell Hall, which serves as a memorial to UD students who died in World War II. After a varied career as a DuPont Co. biologist, a marina owner, the founder and director of a hospital and a principal in a real estate firm in San Miguel Allende, Mexico, he and his wife, the late Marian Stites Mullen, Delaware '43, moved to Sarasota, Fla. In 1986, after being diagnosed with prostate cancer, Mullen attempted to find more information about the disease and the medical options available to him. "I ran into a blank wall," Mullen says. "The doctors weren't able to explain things, and some of them wouldn't talk to me about it. I went to a few cancer support groups, but they were primarily for women, and the men sat there like bumps on a log. I was depressed. My wife said, 'Why don't you go and start a group of your own.'" Mullen did. At his first meeting in 1987, five men sat in his kitchen, had coffee and cake and shared things they couldn't talk about in front of women. "We opened up," Mullen says, "and found we could communicate easily and talk about common problems as men." Mullen says he discovered that there were absolutely no male support groups for prostate cancer in the entire country. He also learned that among its projected programs from 1990-2000, the American Cancer Society did not list prostate cancer. Mullen's meetings continued and, as one participant told another, attendance at sessions grew to 20, then 100, then more. In Sarasota, Mullen's monthly meetings are now held in a room accommodating 200 persons. By 1989, Man to Man Inc. had been established. Mullen produced a simple photocopied outline on how to establish and operate a prostate cancer support group in any community because he was getting requests from participants, many of them "snowbirds" who returned to northern areas across the country each spring. These retired executives and managers, who had refined their organizational and communication skills during their working careers, had no problem establishing satellite groups in major cities and small towns. "The American Cancer Society of Florida saw this was working," Mullen says, "and they realized that men wanted to talk among themselves. After the first year, we had doctors begging to get on our monthly programs as speakers." Eventually, the Florida branch of ACS asked Mullen permission to take Man to Man statewide and use his materials. By then, he says, the ACS national office was watching the state program. At the same time, the national level was getting pressure from men across the country. By 1993, the program was accepted for sponsorship by ACS nationally. According to Mullen, the organizational growth and national acceptance of Man to Man is only part of the story. What it shows, he says, is a serious need for national attention to be given and information shared regarding prostate cancer. As the group grew and developed, Mullen and other members realized that many medical professionals were in the dark about the disease. "There was confusion in the medical community on what to do, and that confusion was reflected in their patients as to what they should do," Mullen says. "A urologist might want to operate. A radiologist might want to burn you. An oncologist might want to medicate you. A cryosurgeon might want to freeze you. You could get six different opinions and become highly confused, and there was no one to talk with." Mullen says that first group's knowledge about prostate cancer grew dramatically. While the meetings served as organized forums for disseminating information, men spread the word on a personal level speaking to one another. Today, Mullen has an informal nationwide network and is able to put prostate victims around the country in touch with men who have the same symptoms, concerns, experiences and questions. However, as the patients' knowledge of the disease grew, so too did their demands on those in the medical profession. "Now, I have doctors who tell me they are scared to death to speak at our programs," Mullen says. "They tell me, 'You guys know more about this disease than anyone does.' "The positive results of this," Mullen explains, "is that our presence in Sarasota has elevated the quality of the medical practice. We push men to study on their own, and they go to work on it. Some of them are real research hounds, and they force the doctors to learn about the latest treatment options that are available." According to Mullen, most doctors say they appreciate working with an informed patient for several reasons, including their belief that an informed and educated patient is less likely to file malpractice charges. Mullen stresses that none of the Man to Man literature or programs offers medical advice. The organization exists to make information available and to encourage discussion and communication. "I don't understand why this wasn't done long before," Mullen says. "I have gotten calls from all over the U.S. This has been one of the most rewarding experiences one would ever want to be involved in." Mullen says the American Cancer Society is putting together a national booklet on Man to Man; there is an 80-slide program being developed for use by general practitioners; and Man to Man members are offering prostate cancer information on Prodigy, an online computer network service. "I've been on the phone with guys who are so desperate and confused," Mullen says. "You can't believe the relief they express when they can just talk to somebody who's been down the same road. It's not unusual to hear someone say, 'You've changed my life.'" Mullen recalled the woman who telephoned his home early on the morning after a Man to Man evening meeting. She said her husband had disappeared and she was worried. The man had been diagnosed with prostate cancer six months earlier, and he had hardly come out of his room during that time. But, after his first Man to Man meeting, he had taken the car early in the morning and was gone. Mullen smiles, saying that the woman called back later that day to say her husband had taken his clubs from the hall closet and gone out to play a round of golf. Mullen asked to speak to the man, to find out what had happened the night before. "He got on the phone," Mullen recalls, "and he told me, 'No one said anything to me directly. I just sat and listened. But, I found there is a full life after prostate cancer, and I should have zero fears. This is what I needed to hear. I didn't think I was going to live. I am now full of hope, and I am going after life again.'" Today, there are about 300 Man to Man chapters nationally with some 40,000 participants. To locate a nearby chapter, call your local American Cancer Society branch. The program and Mullen's efforts have been featured in publications throughout the country, including The New York Times and the Harvard Health Letter. Earlier this year, Mullen received a letter from President Bill Clinton congratulating him on being nominated for a President's Service Award. -Ed Okonowicz, Delaware '69, '84M