It's a rite of passage for a young woman these days--serving as a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding.

But what no one, especially the bride herself, seems to pass onto her unsuspecting pals is the definite protocol, and even pain, involved in serving this "honorable" duty. Until now, that is.

As a bridesmaid in nine weddings, Mary Kay McDermott, AS '89, has seen it all--from frilly, fuchsia dresses with extra "umph" in the shoulder pads to unattractive groomsmen. Girls, she's here to help.

A Bridesmaid's Survival Guide: A Hilarious Handbook to Womanhood's Most Dubious Distinction, written and illustrated by McDermott, provides what would be considered insider trading information in other professions--the real scoop on how to survive bridesmaidhood.

"There's no way around it," the professional cartoonist says. "If you have friends, you'll be in at least one wedding."

In her guide, McDermott shows there are ways to make the best of it, and she keeps it simple.

Getting though the preparation and the wedding events is all a matter of conditioning, according to the author in "Boot Camp Basic Training," just one of 20 chapters included in the book.

"Forget aerobics," it reads. "Keeping up with all of your bridesmaiding chores and maintaining the stamina to really enjoy yourself and party with the guests requires peak conditioning."

McDermott says the idea of an army-like training program cartoon came to her in a dream.

"I literally woke up in the middle of the night, ran into the kitchen and scribbled the pictures on a napkin," she says.

One of the suggested training activities is the "net obstacle" to prepare for bouquet-catching activities on the day of the wedding.

Another is "early rising." "Better get used to it," McDermott writes, "because you'll be up at 5 or 6 a.m. so you can help the bride look fresh, radiant and, of course, well-rested."

The day of the wedding is not the only time the bridesmaids' services are called upon. Planning and facilitating the bridal shower is a key task for bridesmaids, and the survival guide includes information on what type is appropriate and when to hold the event.

"Showers should be scheduled no later than one week prior to the wedding with two weeks before being preferable," it states. "Four to six weeks is the most common; however, eight weeks is appropriate during the rainy season and seven weeks prior is considered best, especially when the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with the moon."

Bridal showers, registries and the ceremony itself are very serious business for the brides, says McDermott, who based her book loosely on her friends' weddings.

The Bridesmaid's Survival Guide, she says, is part helpful handbook, part consoling humor ("because it is a little bit painful").

"My friend Stacy had us looking like a football team [up on the altar]," she says. "The cost of the dress was already $220, and we had to pay $40 extra for more poof to be put into the shoulders. Stacy can joke about it now, but it was serious business back then."

McDermott began to compile ideas for the book in 1992 and says she wasn't nervous her friends would hold her good-spirited humor about their weddings against her. "My friends knew I was writing it," the Connecticut resident says, "but I didn't ask for permission to use details from their weddings. Luckily, they were able to laugh at themselves."

As a bridesmaid, McDermott says, a woman is called upon to attend to a tense bride, face the fact that she may be losing a friend and deal with being left with a dress "almost as frightful as the Visa card bill it will show up on."

"Right after graduation," the former English major says, "I had to pay $600 to be in a wedding while I lived in an Archie Bunker-type apartment with mismatched furniture and was just starting my career. I am married and more settled now, but $600 would still leave a dent in my bank account. I don't think people realize how expensive it can be."

McDermott, who got married in 1992, says she went easy on her attendants. "I was a cool bride," she says. "My bridesmaid dresses only cost $77. My friends didn't even care what they looked like after I told
them the cost."

A good sport, McDermott is able to poke fun at herself, too--the sailor suit-type dress depicted in the book, she says, is similar to her own bridesmaids' gowns.

Weddings are not the only focus of the cartoonist's work. Her cartoons have appeared in advertising for Dunkin' Donuts, IBM affiliates, Allstate Insurance and other corporations.

Also the designer of several greeting cards and wrapping paper, she covers fine art painting for Art News Magazine and soon may be published in The New Yorker.

Mary Kay McDermott, alumna author and artist, recently told UD undergraduates how to "Find Your Voice and Get Published."